"Oh it didn't work? So have you already started your next cycle? The second round always works."
"You're feeling down today? You just need to have faith and everything will work out."
I'd like to take a moment to thank all those who have said such statements. Because of you and your words of wisdom, infertility is now easy breezy. (insert sarcastic tone here)
I know people usually have the best of intentions. I know the topic of infertility makes a lot of people awkward which forces mindless rambling in an effort to comfort. I just sometimes want to simply be heard. Just listen. Because this is nothing you can fix. I don't need advice at this point. I feel like I know the ins and outs of my trial. I feel I'm dealing and learning through it better than ever! It's quite refreshing actually. So when I come in contact with a person who still wants to try and "fix it" for me, well, I'm annoyed. It feels like that person is discrediting my feelings and my progression through something they don't understand.
Just hear what I'm telling you, and tell me that it's ok; not that it's only ok if I have faith.
Faith I have.
I feel like I'm really starting to live and love this life that is mine. I daydream of things I want to do. And I make plans now without the thought of, 'well I might be pregnant then so maybe I should wait on that.' I'm searching for ways to stretch myself in order to experience new things and make new goals to be my best me. I want to grow in every way. And do you know why I have this desire?... because I've been able to grow because of my failed cycle. And that is because I've been honest with me. I've allowed myself to feel. Always. Doing this has helped me see the possibilities of happiness and full life, regardless of the expectation of children. I want to keep learning, and yes that most likely means learning through more infertility, but that's ok, because I know I need this. And I want this.
I want to push myself.
I want to discover more of myself.
Daydreaming and soul-searching...
It's a beautiful combination.
You'd think women were taking a page out the "guy book". Trying to offer up advice and "fix it" ideas.
ReplyDeleteDespite the trial(s) that you face you are going so much good Jill. Your openness and proactivity have helped so many people. I hope you know what a light you are.
yeah, i'm really not a fan of the "Fix it" mentality either. You are beautiful in every way. Thanks for this today!
ReplyDeleteWay to stand up for yourself! You're awesome!
ReplyDeleteI love your positive attitude! Even when it's rough, you always have the faith that the Lord will help you through. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteIt is killing me that you aren't spilling about your new "daydream"! You better spill at brunch on Saturday.. Are we still doing that??
ReplyDeleteThis is so true. Wonderfully said. Always thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteFor whatever reason, I think people in Utah automatically think our "successes" in life are dependent on paying tithing and having faith... With my last miscarriage, I had my doctor tell me that it's not because I don't have enough faith, or I didn't pay enough fast offerings, etc. It just happens. I knew that, but I think he has to tell women this. I'm sorry people tell you that. It's not right. I love your positive attitude, though! You are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteWe must have the same brain... Because I've been thinking the same things lately but haven't figured out how to voice them. So thank you for that! My thoughts and Prayers are with you!
ReplyDeleteYes, although we get "Why are you messing around with adoption? You should just do IVF." Haha.
ReplyDelete