"The Glow"

We've all heard about it. Maybe you've seen it? It's that something in a woman's countenance that tells the world that God has worked a miracle in her. She is fulfilling her creation right then. It really can be seen.

Lately, I've noticed "the glow" of newly expectant mothers or mothers with newborns. To be honest, I feel a little sick when I see it. Not sick in a horrible way; sick because of the rush of emotions I feel when I see this "glowing": anxiety, sadness, longing, maybe a little envy?, despair, panic, and emptiness. None are good emotions and feeling them all at once is enough to make a person feel like vomiting...aka sick.

Then come the questions, which seem to always find me: When will I get to "glow?" Will I be in my thirties by then? Do women in their thirties even "glow?"

This "glow" is a real thing and something I long for. Maybe I should get a tan or something in the meantime to hold me over...

I hope you all had a good weekend and if you're one of the lucky ones, glow on ladies!

Answers

I think God has a funny way of answering my prayers. Answers always come in ways I can't guess. I can't anticipate but I can expect and appreciate sweet answers and tender mercies from a loving Heavenly Father.

Recently I have recieved multiple emails from women; strong women who have been sent to me (via email) for important reasons. Some women found me through this blog and others through my photography. They don't know me, but they know the struggle. They have shared their experiences, intimate feelings, and valuable information with me. It has been enlightening and encouraging. These have been huge and special blessings.

One woman in particular has given me a renewed perspective. I know that I can do more. I have been confused, but she has helped to organize my thoughts/desires. I'm making changes and I'm excited about it. Even Allen has recognized her as an answer to prayer. Thank you April.

My fertility goals:

1. I'm going to be healthy. I'm going to make my body a safe and good place for a precious babe to grow.

2. I'm going to be positive! (see change to blog title) The mind can be a powerful tool, for good and bad, when going through challenges.

3. I will no longer think that by being active/aggressive about getting my kids here that I'm "forcing the issue" or being impatient. It's been a struggle for me because I want the Lord to bless me when He chooses to. I've realized though, that He WANTS me to have children. And he will respect and bless me for my efforts, whether these efforts "work" or not, He will bless. I'm working with the Lord, not simply waiting for a blessing I know He wants to give.

4. I am going to research. I want to learn as much as I can about various methods that could potentially help me. I want to have specific educated questions for doctors I may meet with.

5. I've been powerfully instructed to start asking for help. This will be hard for me, but I will do it.

6. I'm going to pray, and pray, and pray. Feel free to join me in this. :)

What Would I Give...

Whenever I have the thought of IVF potentially being my only option, a small feeling of despair follows close behind.

'When will I ever have the money to afford that medical miracle?...How will I ever save that much?...Will I really be waiting 2, 3, 4 more years to save up that much money?...What should I do in the meantime?...'

If my husband would agree,
I would live in a hole.
I would go without a car, TV, phones, and (heaven forbid) the internet.
I would never decorate my house
or buy nice clothes.
I'd skip out on "fun" (the money kind)
I would let my hair grow long and split.
I'm willing in order to save for IVF and bring them here...
Am I supposed to?

There are so many options and directions I can go to continue to "try" to get my babies here. I feel so confused sometimes.

Medical
Homeopathic - my current "try"
Chiropractic
Massage

I got an email today from a kind stranger who is going to send me more info on yet another option for treating infertility. Thank you Nidia.

What am I to do??? Any thoughts?

EAGeR

EAGeR - The Effects of Aspirin in Gestation and Reproduction

There is a new study out there that may improve some women's chances of becoming pregnant and also help them have a healthier pregnancy. The study is called the EAGeR study and will evaluate LDA compared to placebo in women who have had one or two pregnancy losses in the past and are interested in becoming pregnant.

The University of Utah Obstetrics and Gynecology Research Network (OGRN) is partnering with the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD) to conduct the EAGeR study. In all, 1,600 women who have suffered one or two pregnancy losses will participate in this study.

The study doesn't cost. All research related meds, supplies, and procedures are at no cost to the patient.

How can you benefit?

- You will be given a highly sensitive fertility monitor to use during the study that will help to know when your body is most likely to become pregnant.
- You will recieve pregnancy tests.
- You will be given a free folic acid supplement along with your study medication.
*Folic acid has been shown to help prevent certain birth defects.- You will receive an early 6.5 week ultrasound when you do become pregnant.
- You will receive support from a caring research team who understands the pain of loss.
- You will be paid for your time and travel to and from study appointments.
- You may choose from several area hospitals along the Wasatch Front for your study visits.

What will you have to do if you join the study?

- Meet with a research nurse once or twice a month.
- Provide samples of your urine and blood.
- Answer simple questions about your medical and reproductive history.
- Have simple body measurements taken.

The goal is to increase a woman's chance of becoming pregnant and to help her have a healthy pregnancy by studying the Effects of Aspirin in Gestation and Reproduction.

One of my friends participated in the study and is now pregnant!! For more info go to www.eagertrial.org

How?

How could and why would someone do such a thing??? I can't wrap my mind around this or explain how sick I feel about this story. Praying for this boy's father. Ethan is in a safe place now.

I Remember...

It was two years ago. I was going in for surgery. For the second time, the doc was going to "scrape out" my endometriosis. This time he was going to clean out my tubes as well. It's not a fun surgery.

I remember when they were prepping me before the surgery. Allen had to turn his back for the IV. Sensitive guy. I remember he whispered something to me before I went in. I'll never forget it. "Thank you for doing this to bring our children here. I love you." That was why I was doing it. I'm so glad he recognized it. I could handle the pain. I could handle the exorbant amount of blood I'd loose each month. It was only to bring our children. Nothing more.

It was rough, as usual. They also took my appendix.

Dreaded recovery. While I waited for my body to painfully absorb the air they had pumped into me and for my swollen empty belly to shrink, I remember someone telling me a heartbreaking conversation they had overheard.

I had missed a family reunion that year because of my surgery. A young girl asked where I was. Another child, 10 year old Nathan responded, "Jill can't have babies, so she had an operation." Heartbreaking for so many reasons...

Obviously his parents had been talking about me. They barely knew me. They didn't know the issues we were dealing with. They were clueless to my problem and desires, and didn't appreciate their own extreme fertility or consider it miraculous.

My heart broke. And so did Allen's.

"You'll probably get pregnant within the next 6 months," said Dr Young. That was 2 years ago...

Heart breaking all over again...

Morning Uplift

"Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation."

Wait

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried:
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, 'Child, you must wait'.
'Wait? You say, wait! ' my indignant reply.
'Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By Faith, I have asked, and am claiming your Word.
My future and all to which I can relate
hangs in the balance, and YOU tell me to WAIT?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
or even a 'no' to which I can resign.
And Lord, You promised that if we believe
we need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, 'You must wait.'
So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
and grumbled to God, 'So, I'm waiting.... for what?'
He seemed, then, to kneel, and His eyes wept with mine,
And he tenderly said, 'I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.
All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want But, you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint;
You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.
You'd never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;
You'd know that I give and I save.... (for a start),
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
The glow of My comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have LAST.
You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that 'My grace is sufficient for Thee.'
Yes, your dreams for your loved one overnight would come true,
But, Oh, the Loss! If I lost what I'm doing in you!
So, be silent, My Child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft' may My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still, 'WAIT.

Varicocele

A varicocele is a dilated (enlarged) group of veins in the scrotum. Just like some people have dilated or "varicose" veins in their legs, some men have dilated veins in their scrotum. The dilated veins are filled with excess blood.

In people who have large varicose veins in their legs, the valves are not functioning properly and the blood is actually pooling in their legs. Because of this they will find that after standing for long periods of time, the blood has collected in their legs, giving them a heavy dragging feeling. Men with varicoceles may notice a heavy, dragging, aching feeling in the scrotum ("ball sack") at the end of the day. There too the valves in the veins that drain the blood from the testicles (the internal spermatic veins) are not functioning properly and allow the blood to collect.

Varicocele are the only treatable condtion for male infertility, although with time sometimes infertility can improve.

Source: Mayoclinic.com

In vitro Fertilization (IVF)

IVF is simply the uniting of egg and sperm in vitro (in the lab). Subsequently the embryos are transferred into the uterus through the cervix and pregnancy is allowed to begin. The process is done inconjunction with ovulation induction through drugs, monitoring of hormone levels and follicle scans with ultrasound.

The average couple will need 3 attempts before obtaining a pregnancy through IVF, all depending on their diagnosis. Some couples will have more than one cause of infertility making IVF the only realistic option for achieving pregnancy.

Who would need IVF?
Tubal problems can mean a woman’s fallopian tubes are blocked or damaged, which can make it difficult for the egg to be fertilized or for an embryo to travel to the uterus.

Male factor can include a low sperm count, problems with sperm function or motility which can inhibit sperm from fertilizing an egg on its own.

Severe Endometriosis affecting both fertilization of the egg and implantation of the embryo in the uterus.

Ovarian issues which prevent the release or production of eggs.

Abnormal uterus shape, fibroid tumors, or exposure to diethylstilbestrol (DES) as a fetus.

The steps of IVF are:
Ovulation Induction
Retrieval
Collecting and preparing the sperm
Insemination of eggs and embryos culture
Transferring embryos to the uterus

It is important to note that there are two types of transfers that can occur in an IVF procedure: the standard 3-day transfer or a blastocyst transfer. Both types of transfer have advantages and disadvantages.

While your embryos are still in the lab, there are a number of techniques that IVF specialists can perform to improve the health your embryos. One such technique is assisted hatching, which may improve your embryos ability to implant in your uterus. Some couples also ask that their embryos receive a preimplantation genetic diagnosis before being transfered. This diagnositic test allows specialists to transfer only those embryos which are healthiest.

Since many eggs are retrieved and fertilized during IVF, you may be wondering what happen to those embryos that are not transfered back to you. A common procedure for numerous couples is to have the extra embryos cryo-preserved so that they can be used in future IVF cycles if necessary. This is known as frozen embryo transfer.

Source: Sharedjourney.com

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS)

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is the most common female endocrine disorder, affecting approximately 5%-10% of all females. PCOS is a hormonal disorder that involves multiple organ systems within the body, and is believed to be fundamentally caused by insensitivity to the hormone insulin. It can be diagnosed in all phases of life - in girls as young as 8-9 years of age, up through post-menopause. Although PCOS is one of the leading causes of infertility, the reproductive aspects of the disorder are secondary. PCOS is not limited to women of reproductive age or potential.

Common symptoms of PCOS include:

-irregular or no menstrual periods (for women of reproductive age)
-irregular ovulation, with or without monthly bleeding
-acne
-excess hair growth on the face and body
-thinning scalp hair
-accumulation of unruptured follicles on the periphery of the ovaries (mislabeled as "cysts", often called polycystic ovaries)

It is not necessary to have all of these symptoms to have PCOS. In fact it is not necessary to have "polycystic ovaries" to have PCOS. PCOS manifests itself differently in each woman.

In addition to the above, approximately 60% of women with PCOS have weight management issues which can lead to obesity with only normal caloric intake. Energy in the form of glucose (food) is stored right away as fat, instead of being made available for other functions within the body. This can lead to chronic fatigue and undernourishment, despite the fact that there is adequate food intake and even an appearance of overnourishment. However, it's important to note that 40% of women with PCOS are of normal weight, or even fall under a normal weight range.

There is no cure for PCOS, but it can be successfully managed through diet, exercise, and in some cases medical intervention. Management of PCOS is essential, as unmanaged PCOS can progress to diabetes, and can also lead to certain forms of cancer if unaddressed. Proper management of PCOS often eliminates all symptoms. Some women with managed PCOS are among the healthiest within the population because of their lifestyle choices.

Source: pcossupport.org

Intrauterine Insemination - (IUI)

Also known as artificial insemination, intrauterine insemination (IUI) is the process in which sperm is deposited in a woman's uterus through artificial means. For many couples, this is a less invasive and more affordable alternative to IVF. IUI is not the only artificial insemination procedure performed. In addition to IUI, individuals with fertility problems may elect to try intravaginal insemination (IVI), intracervical insemination (ICI), or intratubal insemination (ITI).

Sperm used in IUI must first be properly prepared. This process is known as sperm washing. Sperm washing may sound strange, but it actually works to ensure that only the healthiest sperm are used during the procedure. Sperm washing can increase your chances of conception and may help you to welcome a new addition to your family.

Getting the best results:

Timing:
Timing is everything when it comes to IUI. Once an egg has been released from your ovaries, it only has 24 in which it can be fertilized. This means that insemination must coincide with a woman’s ovulation. Women dong a natural cycle of IUI will likely use home ovulation predictor kits to detect the LH surge that occurs shortly before ovulation. However, these tests can only tell you that ovulation is imminent, not precisely when it will happen. In other instances, ovulation can be more certainly assumed if fertility drugs are being used, as these medications require more detailed monitoring of the ovaries and hormones.

Another reason why timing is so important in IUI is because sperm used in this procedure is washed. Normally, unprepared sperm can live for as long as five days in fertile cervical mucus. However, washed sperm is thought to live for no more than 24 hours, with six to 12 hours being the average. Because washed sperm has such a short life span, performing IUI as close as possible to the time of ovulation will help increase the chances of success with this procedure.

Number of Cycles:
Since the exact timing of ovulation can often be somewhat difficult to pinpoint, your fertility specialist may suggest performing a second IUI anywhere from 12 to 48 hours after the first insemination. This can improve your chances of success by ensuring that sperm is placed in your uterus close to the time of ovulation. Some fertility doctors may even recommend you further boost your chances by having intercourse at home in between inseminations.

Sperm Count:
The amount of active, healthy sperm in a man’s semen sample is often one of the biggest influences on IUI success. Not surprisingly, the higher the sperm count, the more likely it is that the procedure will be successful. However, there does not seem to be much difference in success rates between men with good-average sperm counts and men who have high sperm counts. In general, IUI done with a good-average to high sperm count carries a success rate between 15% and 20% per cycle.

Medication:
While some couples will do IUI without the aid of fertility drugs, others will choose this option either out of necessity or to increase the number of egg follicle they develop in a cycle. Using medications can boost your chances of success, as there will presumably be more eggs available for fertilization, but it doesn’t always guarantee success.

If you are using fertility medications during your IUI cycle, you may want or need to try a few cycles using oral drugs, like Clomid, before moving on to injectable infertility drugs. However, if are still not able to conceive after three or four cycles using injectables, it may be time to consider IVF.

Source: Sharedjourney.com

Endometriosis

Endometriosis is a condition where tissue similar to the lining of the uterus (the endometrial stroma and glands, which should only be located inside the uterus) is found elsewhere in the body.

Endometriosis lesions can be found anywhere in the pelvic cavity: on the ovaries, the fallopian tubes, and on the pelvic sidewall. Other common sites include the uterosacral ligaments, the cul-de-sac, the Pouch of Douglas, and in the rectal-vaginal septum.

In addition, it can be found in caecarian-section scars, laparoscopy or laparotomy scars, and on the bladder, bowel, intestines, colon, appendix, and rectum. But these locations are not so common.

In even more rare cases, endometriosis has been found inside the vagina, inside the bladder, on the skin, even in the lung, spine, and brain.

The most common symptom of endometriosis is pelvic pain. The pain often correlates to the menstrual cycle, but a woman with endometriosis may also experience pain that doesn’t correlate to her cycle. For many women, the pain of endometriosis is so severe and debilitating that it impacts their lives in significant ways.

Endometriosis can also cause scar tissue and adhesions to develop that can distort a woman’s internal anatomy. In advanced stages, internal organs may fuse together, causing a condition known as a "frozen pelvis."

It is estimated that 30-40% of women with endometriosis may not be able to have children.

There is no cure for Endometriosis. It is important to research the disease as much as possible. Many myths and misconceptions about endometriosis still persist, even in medical literature. For many women, management of this disease may be a long-term process. Therefore, it is important to educate yourself, take the time to find a good doctor, and consider joining a local support group.


Source: endometriosis.org