Website Launched!

FINALLY! So many hours, sweat, and tears have gone into getting Pound the Pavement for Parenthood website up and going.
I'm so relieved...I can't even attempt to explain how I feel.
If you are interested at all in joining us, please register! There are so many of you that I would love to meet afterall, and what better way?
Hope to see you all there!

Little Miracles

"And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my {daughter}, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." D&C 122:7

The last few days have been a whirlwind, an emotional rollercoaster, and an opportunity to watch the Lord at work. In many ways, this not-even-a-week-since-the-appointment, has been some of the hardest days of my last three years.

People may wonder why. Afterall, "this is so exciting to have a plan...at least {I} know the next step...and now {we} know what {we} need to do..." All of this is all very fine and good. In a small way it is comforting, but it should be said and realized that many lonely emotions come with knowing and digesting our very slim chances, as well as doing all I can to raise these precious funds to try just a little harder to get our babies here.

I think people view IVF as for sure. Perhaps that is why I get the responses I do...as if the journey is over. It is just starting. In a way, this process is a whole other journey in itself. I've felt and started to deal with a whole set of different and deeper emotions. Hopefully, just like all hard things, I will come out better for it.

I've been blessed to recognize the little miracles that are happening around me. The Lord truly works through other people. I read an email from a friend yesterday that brought comfort, and I believe what was said, "It is simply not intended for any of us to lift the load alone." I can avidly say, I have not been lifting this load on my own. Whenever it starts to feel that way, someone is sent to help and lift me up. Miracle.

I will be forever grateful to those who are so willingly and selflessly helping me to get things organized and planned. I learned last night that the 5K is going to happen on November 13th without any purchase of permit through the city (which is in my opinion an act of God). I don't know exactly how this is all happening so fast, but I know why...and I know who is in charge.

I hope you can find comfort today in recognizing the small miracles that take place throughout this process: the friendships that are made, the small windows of comfort that are granted after prayer, the way we can be guided in all things and especially in the decisions we make. Most importantly, I hope we can focus on the people we can be after this "billowing surge conspires" against us. I hope we can glimpse at the way we are seen in His eyes, and know that it is best. I know He is molding me into who He wants me to be, and I believe that is where the true and lasting miracle lies.

"And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up." D&C 84:88

For Sure

The shower is definitely the best place for crying, weeping, sobbing, any break down of any kind, really.
In case you were wondering, it is.
Rough day, rough night...
Praying for peace today, as well as for many of you.

5K Update

I'm excited (and a bit overwhelmed) to be planning this 5K run. There's alot that goes into it! Who knew?!

Last night, 2 dear friends joined me in my living room for a bit of brainstorming. I sat there rather numb. My mind is still spinning I suppose... Those two lovely women have been and will continue to be a huge help and support to Marv and I. I really love them. Perhaps they didn't know what they were getting into when they decided to be my friend. Suckers! (*wink*)

We've decided that "Pounding the Pavement for Parenthood"(clever huh?) will take place November 13 (tenatively). The race will start at 10 am and will end at a park where we will enjoy a bake sale, goodie bags for participants, and possibly some live entertainment. There will also be raffles to be involved in where you can win gift certificates from various local venders. I think it really will be a fun day (and emotional for me I'm sure).

Pre-registration will be $15 and will go through November 6. I'll be putting up a link soon to get registration going. Same-day registration will be $20 and all donations will be genuinely appreciated.

I've also decided that if all goes well and this race is a success I'd really like to keep it going in years to come. Perhaps I could help another couple who has been struggling with fertility. No matter if this treatment works for us or not, I want to help. Infertility is a cause that will never leave me and I hope to make a difference no matter how small.

Please let me know if you are at all interested in helping with this charity run: donating, sponsoring, volunterring, or running/walking. I hope to get alot of people involved not only for our benefit, but for infertility awareness, as well as advertising for local small businesses. I hope this can be something that will help people realize how many people are affected by this struggle and support those of us who are.

Now, I can't express my appreciation for the support we have felt so far. I have been so touched by caring emails from women (strangers until now) who have shared their stories of hope and encouragement with me the last few days. It makes a huge difference for me to stay positive through this process and these emails have been an answer to prayers. Thank you for taking the time. I am so grateful for it.

I hope to meet and chat with any readers someday.
Perhaps at the 5K?
Or maybe through photography? (if you are interested, click here)
I really do feel blessed for the people in my life and for the support I've felt.
Thank you more than I can say.

Love,

Jill (mom wanna-be, photographer, yard saleswoman, and race director?)

Our New Plan

Well, it's done. We did it. It's over. We went and spent an hour with a reproductive specialist discussing our issues, dreams, desires...and money. We now have a definite plan. (however daunting it may seem)

The doctor was great. He had a nice office and a grandpa vibe about him. It was strangely comforting.

Turns out our chances for conceiving on our own is a whopping 4%. He said we shouldn't even try IUI because the amount of scarring from my endometriosis. Along with that, the probable "hostile chemical environment" from the wretched disease makes it so sperm/embryo don't really stand a chance. Awesome body, awesome.

I learned alot more about endometriosis and the causes so if you're interested, let me know and I will share the nasty news.

After we talked with my new "grandpa" friend, we met with his nurse and financial assistant. They threw schedules and numbers at us. I think we were both fairly numb at this point. I don't know how much was really digested. I remember looking at Marv while we waited for more paperwork, "As soon as we walk outta here, I'm going to cry." (I was so brave the whole time) His response? "Why because you're going to get a baby?!" (difference between men and women my blogging friends)

So we walked outta there.
And I cried for around 2 hours...

Now I'm racking my brain trying to figure out ways to raise and save money. I have a HUGE yard sale in mind, photo sessions to basically give away (in hopes of raising ok money quickly - and overwhelming myself in a photography way), and hopefully putting on a 5k run. More details to come.

PLEASE let me know if you can help out in any way. Anything will help! Ideas, donations, anything! If you work for a company who may be interested in donating or helping out with a run, will you please email me?

It's a vulnerable and humbling experience to ask for help, but we'll do whatever we have to in order to get our babies here.

Much love world,

Jill and Allen

(and won't he make an amazing father?!...sigh)

Questions to Prepare?

I've been a little nervous this week. Here's why: I'm seeing the specialist of miracles soon and quite frankly I don't think I'm ready for the challenge just yet. What's the challenge you ask? Well, one thing you must realize is when you get the chance to speak to such specialists about specifically you and your actual situation, well...it's valuable time friends. These people perform miracles! Apparently miracle workers (and their time) cost regular people like me and Marv some major money. The challenge then becomes being prepared to make the most of your allotment, and so, your money.

So...
Lately I've been trying to think of all the possible questions I might have at the time. And by "time" I mean throughout the entire process of whatever the miracle worker decides. Actually, anything I may want to address or consider should be brought up at this very visit, this special me time with my miracle worker! I mean really, how am I to anticipate what questions I will have and what to address in order to cover all the unknown issues that may come up during this very aggressive route Marv and I have/may decide to take?

Clearly, I will have to summon all my psychic powers to try to determine what issues, problems, side effects, and concerns I may have in the next few months.

Difficult, yes?
I should ask for help, no?

And so...I am.

emails/comments always welcome and appreciated.

Chiropractor

She has really screwed me up. I've had two adjustments, one Friday and another yesterday. Today the world won't stop spinning. I don't think I've ever been this dizzy. I've felt like I'm going to fall over multiple times and nausea has set in. I feel terrible. I've had headaches since Friday and I move like a 90 year old woman. I'm so sore...

...not loving this.

What's Fair?

I was talking with a good friend of mine the other day. Like me, she is struggling with infertility. It's good to release emotion and even better to do so with someone who truly understands; which is why one thing she said shocked me. I've heard this same feeling expressed since, from other women:

"I feel bad complaining to you. I haven't been going through it as long as you have, so it's really not fair for me to complain..."

What?! I just want to make one thing quite clear. In my mind, no matter how long you've been wanting/trying for pregnancy, no matter what treatments you've tried or health situation you're dealing with, none of this is fair! We are all dealing with the same emotions and riding the same rollar coaster every month. None of it is fun or fair to handle. There are hundreds...thousands of women who have been trying for a lot longer than I have, but I don't feel sorry complaining openly to the universe about how difficult it is. Because it is!

Please please please try not to compare to others! If anything, that is what's unfair. Comparing your situation to another woman/couple is just one more negative emotion for you to deal with, one more feeling of insecurity and inadequacy. Don't do it to yourself!

I think we all can (and need to) recognize this trial for what it is...HARD. Don't feel sorry for feeling the emotions you do during this process, and DO NOT add to it! Feeling is healing. Let yourself feel and don't give excuses or (for goodness sake) make it worse.

I hope I don't hear this again, because my heart aches for every woman that has expressed this to me. It's not fair for you to treat yourself that way. If anything I'm grateful to talk to anyone who can empathize with me at all...no need to compare.

Some days are hard, some more than others. I'm not afraid to say it, and neither should you!

If you need someone to talk to...here I am.

Really.