This week I headed back to Dr Heiner's office. I had some things to take care of with Pound the Pavement and I wanted to get a copy of my records. I need a second opinion about our weird and unexplained failed cycle. I've found an amazing internationally renowned physician. Well, he found me. More about him in my next post... (amazing I tell you)
I walked into RCC, and I instantly felt my eyes feel with tears. I didn't expect it to be so emotional, but why wouldn't it be? Here I had some incredibly spiritual experiences. Here I was given heart-breaking news. Here is where a part of me died...
I fought back tears the whole time I was speaking with Michelle Richards, clinic manaager. I'm not sure I want to know what she could possibly be thinking about me. She's a lovely lady.
As I was leaving, ready to let go of the emotions I was holding back, the receptionist says, "You're the girl who set up Pound the Pavement? That's such an amazing organization. Without people like you, so many couples could never afford IVF..." At that point I wanted to crumple into a ball with sobs right then and there. Instead, I thanked her.
As soon as the doors to that forever special clinic shut behind me, the tears came. They didn't stop for 30 minutes either. I texted a wonderful and understanding friend who tried to provide comfort.
Why is it still so hard?
Why can't we just start another cycle now?...
Why am I the only one left?...
Rough days lately. Allen and I are planning some big changes in order for us to afford these treatments. Now it's a waiting game I'm afraid. Again. Hoping I can be blessed with patience.
I just want a baby...
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
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