Sometimes my infertility hits me like a ton of bricks. Little somethings will trigger those feelings of "why not me?" and "will it ever happen?" It's hard to think about how long those feelings have been with me; harder still thinking of how long I possibly have to go...
Mother's day is a terrible day (humble opinion). I think it is wonderful to celebrate the amazing women in our lives, to reflect on their goodness, and to thank them for all they have done and do. BUT, it can always be a day of pain for so many women.: those who are not married, those of us in the depths of infertility longing for the title, and those who have lost children... To us, it is simply a day to be reminded over and over again of what we want most.
SO...I'm boycotting the day. (yes, even church - gasp!) And I'm renaming the day WOMEN'S DAY! I'm going to celebrate every year from this point on, the WOMEN in my life who are strong, lovely, and good on this holiday. Feel free to join me! I can call around to calendar companies and see what I can do. ;)
The ability to love and nurture are in all women (not just those who have children) and that alone should be remembered and celebrated.
Amen! I agree with Women's Day whole-heartedly. Happy Women's Day!! :)
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I'm with you on this. I have been skipping church on Mother's Day for the past 5 years. It's just too hard to sit through the talks, songs, lessons, etc. My husband calls it Wife's Day, but I like Women's Day much, much better.
ReplyDeleteHappy Women's Day!!
Jill, I have been thinking about you lots already today. All of these thoughts have been on my mind so much this weekend and I remember how hard Mothers Day was. I wish I could somehow say what I want to say to you, but right now I feel like there are no words to make it better.
ReplyDeletePlease know that I know what you are talking about, about the pain of Mothers Day, and how hard it is for so many women. I will never forget that. Know that I am praying for you, and hope that this ends for you soon. I love you and know that you are so strong. Take today to boycott. Do what you need to do. I love you. YOU ARE AN INCREDIBLE WOMAN, ONE WORTH CELEBRATING.
Thank you for your post. This blog has already helped me so much and today it was perfect! I have ben feeling so guilty for dreading going to church today but you made me realize that it is ok to not want to sit through 3 hours of holding back tears. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThis is so well written. I support Women's Day 100%. Womenhood is something to be celebrated! You are wonderful.
ReplyDeleteChoosing for MYSELF how "Woman's Day" was spent was the most therapuetic thing I ever did, I think. Way to go, Jill!
ReplyDeleteI boycotted church for five years. I totally understand Jill.
ReplyDeleteAs much as I agree that Mother's day can be hard for all women, including those with childern or without, as well as the unmarried or the women grieving from loss. I don't think removing the title of "Mother" is the answer. Having or bearing children is not the only definition of motherhood. Any women who creates, nurtures,loves, or who is respected for her age and wisdom, is a mother. I think the problem with Mother's day is that everyone gets to caught up in thinking the only definition of Mother is the literal act of conceiving and bearing a child. We are on this earth to become more like our Father in Heaven, being a mother in every sense of the definition is how we accomplish that, not just in the definition of conceiving. As we all know, there are times you see mothers and think, "I would be a better mother than her, or why does she deserve to be a mother?" That is when you have to put off the natural man, stop yourself very being offended and respect what that person is going through without judging their actions. You can choose not to follow their same actions, but we are not here to judge. Our Heavenly Father is the great Judge of all. Yes, I have gone through infertility, not to the same extent of many women, and I don't pretend to judge. I'm just trying to uplift others and show them another perspective, although I'm sure many will be offended by my words. When I was going through infertility, I remember feeling these same feelings, but it was refreshing when I heard women consider their roll as bearing and conceiving a child as a blessing in there lives. I didn't see it as bragging or showing their children off as an accessory. I love you Jilly! I want you to get through this infertility more than anyone, I just want you to stay positive and not get caught up in negativity. Everyone has there moments of negativity but the faster you can get out of them the better. Keep your chin up...you are a great mother to many! So, Happy Mother's Day!!:)
ReplyDeleteI feel like I am positive Nat. The title of mother is not viewed by most as you describe. I wish it was, but I fear it never will be. You describe what I described as inherant traits of WOMEN, not mother. Both great, but not the same.
ReplyDeleteThere are SO many women who view and treat their children as accessories. Even if you haven't seen it, it is true. I've heard those exact words come out of a mother's mouth. "Best accessory ever!" Some women do brag.
This is my view as a woman who has really struggled with infertility and it's treatment in all it's form and variety. I'm talking as someone coming from more than just the emotions of wanting. I don't mean to take away from your fertility experience but it isn't the same thing, Nat. Similar feelings yes, but still VERY different.
It's not about a woman wanting pregnancy "judging" other women. It's about that woman feeling very conflicting emotions because of circumstance. Just because a woman feels sad doesn't mean that woman is thinking negatively about herself OR the pregnant woman. It's emotions that must be felt and NOT ignored or changed by "staying positive." The emotions in this trial have been constant for me and they are there regardless of how I "choose" to feel. It's a learning process. It's a GOOD process.
I'm not caught up in negativity just by sharing honest opinion of this day. I don't need to be saved from my own feelings. I feel I'm more positive than ever and I'm doing better than I ever have as well. That hasn't come from people keeping me positive. It has come from personal experience of feeling whatever I need to feel in order to learn how Heavenly Father would have me learn. And it has been a wonderful opportunity and experience.
You're a great mother Natalie. Those three children are lucky to have you. You are lucky to have them too and I love you all!!!
I'm sorry you think I'm telling you that you are negative, I think you have been remarkably positive and done so much good. I'm just sharing my experience and what I personally learned from my infertility experience. I know you will never understand what I have been through, "waiting" and I will never understand what you have gone through. Some women enjoy mothers day and need it. That is all I'm saying and the way I described motherhood is actually the dictionary definition of what Mother means, it's not just a title. I'm just trying to express that in a way that everyone can understand. In today's society, anyone can chose to be a women, but being a mother is an inherent quality from God. You truly already carry the title mother whether you know it or not, to my kids, to me, and to everyone you influence for good! I'm sorry that I came across as insensitive but I will always stand of for motherhood and fatherhood over women and men. I think motherhood and fatherhood are more of an eternal title. I'm not saying you are attacking motherhood or anyone and I'm not attacking you. I'm just expressing a my opinion. (humble though it may be) People are people and you can never expect more than that. No one person will ever know or experience everything so that is all I'm saying. It's easy to judge others actions without knowing all the details and I'm not saying you are doing that. I think you are amazing Jilly! The people you are helping through this and the lives you are touching. I know Heavenly Father loves you very much. I'm sure it doesn't relieve all the pain but I'm impressed that you have gotten busy living and doing good. I hope you know that I love you too! I probably should of just keep my opinions to myself, they really don't mater to anyone but me anyway, but I just wanted to be heard for once. ha ha ha...
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