Being a mother is something I have waited and prayed for since I was a young girl mothering dolls. After 4 years of infertility, tests and procedures that failed 100% of the time, we were blessed with a miracle. I have become passionate about helping others through the struggle of infertility and have started a non-profit organization in order to reach out to people across the country.

It has been a process of sorts to be open enough to talk about this part of me, but it is now something that I choose to embrace and appreciate, as I have learned more and more about myself and my purpose.

I hope this blog can be a place where you can find strength and support through others who know the struggle. Please feel free to contact me with questions, advice, or any and all venting. I know that with the help of each other, we can overcome this struggle...or at least handle it in a way that will leave us better for it.

Welcome to my blog - My Journey To Fertility.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Pain and Peace

Tonight I heard an announcement. You all know the kind - "I'm pregnant! I'm due..." (blah blah blah) I expressed in my last post that during my IVF cycle, I was blessed with a renewed sense of peace and perspective. I feel there is still time Allen and I have together before starting another IVF cycle in the hope of achieving pregnancy. We both feel comfortable and ok about it right now.

Tonight when I read this specific announcement though, some pain came back feeling to fresh to be comfortable. "Well, it's official! Baby is due November 24th! We're so excited!" My heart suddenly was in my throat.

We were given the due date of November 23rd on our IVF calendar...

A rush of thoughts flooded my mind... 'Would I be announcing my pregnancy now too?' 'Would Allen and I be sharing that special secret for a while?' 'I wonder what fun baby cuteness I would I have already purchased had our lil embryo made it?'

The pain is not gone, but the knowledge of a loving Father who has a special plan for me is still here. That is where I can always go to recover that new found peace.

...but I have a feeling that November 23rd will be a hard day.
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4 comments:

  1. Hale yeah!April 20, 2011 at 6:34 AM

    I have been feeling that same pain. Had my ivf worked we would have been due in may. I haven't even hardly thought about it, I was doing so well :) Then my friend who found out she got pregnant with twins through ivf, just weeks before I did ivf...just had her babies yesterday. Don't get me wrong, I am happy that ivf worked for her and that after a long journey through infertility she finally got pregnant. But I can't help but think why not me? Why didn't our cycle work, will it ever work? Dealing with several emotions, but I know heavenly father is aware...my time for being a mother will come...just not right now. He needs me to wait a little longer.

    ReplyDelete
  2. LibbyApril 27, 2011 at 12:23 PM

    Jilly,
    First, I love you! I just read your two last posts and it brought me to tears because of the "realness" it brings. We may not be going throught the same infertility process, but we both know how it feels...There is no way of knowing when the pain will come...it's usually when you least expect it! November 11th is MY "hard" day. That would have been my due date if I had not miscarried 4 years ago. Love you Jilly. You're always in my prayers and in my heart!

    ReplyDelete
  3. JessApril 29, 2011 at 7:52 PM

    I'm so sorry. It stinks. There's no other way to put that. I've got April 1st, and now August 19th on my list. You are in my prayers, Jill!

    ReplyDelete
  4. IVF - CANCUNFebruary 15, 2012 at 2:32 AM

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    ReplyDelete

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