Sometimes blogs make me sad. Sometimes looking at facebook makes a good day not so much. Am I alone in this?... I often find myself getting discouraged because of the most trivial things. It's almost always something silly, but sometimes those silly things start to feel more like small jabs at my heart (and uterus).
When I look at others play-by-play of life, I sometimes feel this wave of sad come over me. Then negative thoughts and questions come to my mind. What good does that do?! Really. Here are a few of todays negative musings:
"Why does everyone have that dang pregnancy countdown on their sidebar?!"
(no offense)
"I want to take pictures of my growing belly...
(usually in a whiney voice)"
Silly? Yes. But it happens.
I've decided I'm going to block those little jabs from now on. (my uterus has had enough lately anyway - blame Dr Heiner). I have enough "bad baby days" as it is. Why do anything, no matter how small, that will invite negative thinking? I'm just going to stop. I'm trying to stay as positive as I can through all of this (while still allowing myself to feel), so when I sense that a wave of poor me is starting to build, and can see that something silly has created that wave...
I'm out.
Found your blog from the article in Mormon Times (I think that's what it was). I've really enjoyed reading it! And no, you so are not alone. I have come to loathe facebook. :)
ReplyDeleteLindzee
www.thegoodthebadandtheinfertile.blogspot.com
You aren't alone with those thoughts Jill. Every single time I see one of those dang pregnancy countdowns I have negative thoughts rush through my brain. :) I admire your resolve, although it is okay to shoot daggers at them sometimes. In a nice way of course.
ReplyDeleteI totally know how you feel! My husband tells me over and over that I need to stop looking at everyones blogs. But I still find myself checking them. I guess this is my new years resolution! :) But thank you so much for your blog. I appreciate knowing there is others out there that know and understand the emotions that I go through every day. (not that you would choose to be that person.) I've never had a problem getting pregnant but my body attacks the placenta and doesn't allow nutrients to get to the babies. My husband and I have been married for almost 9 years and I have had 3 miscarriages, 3 stillborn and 1 child living that was premature weighing 1 lb. 13 oz.. I really hate that anyone else would have to feel the same emotions that I've had to experience. But I appreciate your willingness to share and to know that I'm not alone.
ReplyDeletei love you jill and admire you so much!! hang in there. btw- is dr. heiner up at that clinic in sandy?
ReplyDeleteJill, I totally agree with you. I remember days where I felt like all blogs were was a place to announce another pregnancy. And at that point, I had to take a break from looking at blogs for awhile. So do what you need to do--you are smart and know what you need. Love you lots.
ReplyDeleteKels, yes Dr Heiner is up in Sandy. I've really liked him and his staff. :) Thanks for the support ladies! Phew...I was hoping I was just being a brat.
ReplyDeleteI found your blog from the article in Mormon Times. It really has made me feel like there is someone out there that gets how I feel! We have been trying to get pregnant for 3 years and have done two rounds of failed IVF. I was at lunch today and one of my friends there announced that she was pregnant. When someone asked how far along she was she said "well, my period is due on Friday but I took a test today and it was positive." REALLY??? You couldn't have waited, I don't know like 4 months to announce that? I feel like I can't go out in public without have a bad baby day! Wishing you a better day tomorrow!
ReplyDeletejust another comment to say you're not alone! i am feeling the same way so i am going to stop blogging for a while. i'm not nearly as brave as you are to talk about everything i'm going through, and i just get too discouraged when i look at everyone else's "picture perfect" life.
ReplyDeleteFeeling a little intimated by all the strong women (including you, Jill) that post here. I haven't had problems yet getting pregnant. But I read your blogs often to keep up with the going-ons in your life. I know what it's like to be pregnant, with a healthy baby. I want nothing more for you than to experience that! When I read about you wanting to take pictures of your pregnant belly, I truly felt sad that you unwillingly have not been able to do that!
ReplyDeleteWith my work, I have grieved with many women who have had miscarriages and fetal demises, who have struggled with pregnancy. It tears at my heart every time. I do sympathize with you. I feel some of that ache and I look at my little girl, and every day I am more grateful that I have her because of your, and everyone elses' experiences. I do not take her for granted. Thank you.
Hang in there Jill! Our prayers are still with you!
Jill,
ReplyDeleteYou have touched so many lives. I have so been where you are. Experienced days and moments just like these. I know when we started doing our IVF treatment I had many mixed emotions. But I was truly excited for it to begin. At least there were answers and progress being made. Hang in there. I would love to help you out in any way I can. Good luck. Prayers are with you and your husband. Trust your Dr.'s it is amazing what can be done now days. xoxo Lacey
My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for 8 months (I know you've been trying longer) and I think it's been the longest and hardest 8 months of my life. Every negative test takes a little piece of my heart. I'm so sorry for the struggles you go through too. And I feel your pain. It seems like everyone on facebook is announcing their pregnancies. Were there really this many people getting pregnant before I started trying? :) I'm so tired of people who know I'm upset about trying for a baby, saying to me, you're so young, or it could be worse, or just enjoy the clean house and quiet while you can, or it's all in Gods time. I know all these things... but isn't it still ok to be heart broken every month that goes by without a positive pregnancy test?? I admire your strength and love your blog posts.
ReplyDeleteI just read the article in the mormon times. my husband and i have been married for 6 years and still have not gotten pregnant. i have had a very rough time with it. lately it seems that everyone i know is pregnant, including my sister. i try to look for the positive in things but, it is really hard sometimes not to get upset because everyone else is getting what you want. i have not read much on this blog, but i believe that having other people to listen and "talk" to will be very helpful. thank you for starting this blog.
ReplyDeleteJill, I love reading your blog. You make sense of every emotion you feel and usually it's the exact same emotion I've been feeling but can't put into words. Thank you for your posts!!! Sometimes they are the only things that give me that extra boost to make it through the day. I'm so glad you accepted your assignment in Heaven as the one who lifts us all up!! You'll be blessed so much for it!!! I really appreciate it!! :)
ReplyDeletehang in there! we are hoping the best for you and al
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