Being a mother is something I have waited and prayed for since I was a young girl mothering dolls. After 4 years of infertility, tests and procedures that failed 100% of the time, we were blessed with a miracle. I have become passionate about helping others through the struggle of infertility and have started a non-profit organization in order to reach out to people across the country.

It has been a process of sorts to be open enough to talk about this part of me, but it is now something that I choose to embrace and appreciate, as I have learned more and more about myself and my purpose.

I hope this blog can be a place where you can find strength and support through others who know the struggle. Please feel free to contact me with questions, advice, or any and all venting. I know that with the help of each other, we can overcome this struggle...or at least handle it in a way that will leave us better for it.

Welcome to my blog - My Journey To Fertility.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Sick

I'm sick of hurting. And this time I mean physically.
I'm sick of feeling ill for no good reason.
I'm sick of this wretched disease.
I'm really sick of hearing women around me complain about pregnancy/children.
I wish they would just stop and recognize the miracle. Please?

It's hard to think that every month with all the pain and blood, my condition is worsening.
I don't want to have that surgery again.
Will I have to?

Pregnancy will be wonderful in so many ways.
It will stop my pain, even for a bit.
It will slow the damage.
...and it will be our baby...

I appologize now for being a little down lately. (but that's what you get for reading the truth)
I'll be on the up swing soon.
Life really is good.
Today is just a rough day.

I want only to snuggle up on the couch with my pain meds and a good book that will take me out of reality even for a few hours...
A hug from Allen will help too.
It always does.
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5 comments:

  1. AndreaJune 10, 2010 at 7:55 PM

    Oh Jill I'm so sorry you have to go through this...it's beyond hard. Sending a hug your way. Love ya!

    ReplyDelete
  2. LibbyJune 11, 2010 at 9:39 AM

    Jill, I'm right there with you! It is very frustrating to hear and see women yelling at their kids, sighing and acting like their children are a bother and hearing complaints about pregnancy as if it's annoying or just a pain to go through.
    They just don't realize HOW lucky they are....
    Someday Jilly...we'll be sitting in a "frenzy" of children crying, screaming, punching and hearing the phrase "he started it" and we'll just sit and laugh at how lucky we are to be in that position.
    Someday...

    ReplyDelete
  3. CarlyJune 11, 2010 at 12:10 PM

    i feel your pain, jill, and it is both emotionally and physically painful. hoping a hug from your hubby helps and that you find a good book to get lost in.

    ReplyDelete
  4. ChelseaJune 11, 2010 at 12:37 PM

    Jill, that is just crappy. Don't feel like you need to apologize, because you don't. This is your place to be honest and I think it is important to have that. I hope you get feeling better, and I'm always praying for you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sarah OmanJune 24, 2010 at 1:34 PM

    I used to get so frustrated with my VT comp. when she would say she accidentally got pregnant and didn't want to be pregnant... Ohh... it boiled my blood. Of course I kept my mouth shut, but there were a slew of things I wanted to say.
    I admire your courage Jill. I kept all of my pain, anger, frustration, hurt, sorrow... to myself. So many people were surprised we had adopted, they thought we were still "waiting" to have kids. B/c that's what I told them. Yeah for you that you are able to have a voice and get the support!

    ReplyDelete

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