Being a mother is something I have waited and prayed for since I was a young girl mothering dolls. After 4 years of infertility, tests and procedures that failed 100% of the time, we were blessed with a miracle. I have become passionate about helping others through the struggle of infertility and have started a non-profit organization in order to reach out to people across the country.

It has been a process of sorts to be open enough to talk about this part of me, but it is now something that I choose to embrace and appreciate, as I have learned more and more about myself and my purpose.

I hope this blog can be a place where you can find strength and support through others who know the struggle. Please feel free to contact me with questions, advice, or any and all venting. I know that with the help of each other, we can overcome this struggle...or at least handle it in a way that will leave us better for it.

Welcome to my blog - My Journey To Fertility.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Left Out

I have some wonderful friends. Have I mentioned that before? Well, I'm quite certain a girl couldn't ask for a more fun and supportive group of friends. I had the opportunity to see and talk with some of my dearest friends this week. It's a motivating thing for me to spend time with these women. Some of them go back with me to elementary school. Now that is friendship! I feel lucky to have them in my life. They are sweet and funnny, beautiful and smart. They are good women and amazing mothers.


It should be noted here that these photos don't have show all of my lovely friends...Milli, I miss you terribly.

At my age and stage of life, play dates and babysitting swaps are the norm. It's just part of a mothers life. The other day I came home during my lunch break and saw that one of the women down the street had set up a tent in her front yard. There were a bunch of kids playing in and out of it. The mothers of these children stood by watching, talking, and laughing.

I sat there for a minute in my driveway...
I thought of what it might be like to join them...
Then I thought of my own friends; these women I look up to and love to be around...
They get together often with their own kids...
In a way, at that moment, I felt just a little left out.

This is nothing that can be remedied or avoided. It's not like they are making me feel left out. I feel their support and friendship everytime I see them. It's just the stage. The stage I'm waiting patiently (sometimes not so patiently) to be in; where I feel like I should be...
And this is where I am...
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6 comments:

  1. AndreaJune 6, 2010 at 1:36 PM

    So hard Jilly! Sending my love your way. I know our situations are very different but I understand what you are saying. It's just plain hard! I ache for what you are having to go through. Praying for you! Love ya!

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  2. Miriam Ika MarshallJune 7, 2010 at 2:24 PM

    it was a great night.. none of us wanted to leave, it was so great to sit and talk and just feel loved.. thanks for being such a great friend Jill!!

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  3. Sarah OmanJune 24, 2010 at 1:28 PM

    Sometimes that's the hardest thing. Standing on the outside looking in. I remember many a years feeling that way. Sometimes I still do. My heart goes out to Jill.

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  4. Laura & Rusty JensenJune 25, 2010 at 2:13 PM

    Love ya Jill. I am glad I have known you since 1st grade. I thought you and Meag were the cool and pretty girls on D track in Mrs Davies class. I wish I could put a baby in your tummy.
    -Lau

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  5. CourtneyJanuary 10, 2011 at 6:17 PM

    I feel that I could have written this post... I mirror your thoughts and words. I often feel a sense of being "left out" or "left behind" since I I feel that I am stuck in between stages in my life while my friends move on. It is nice to read this and know that there are others who understand emotions I have.

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  6. HillaryJanuary 11, 2011 at 4:45 PM

    I definitely feel this way all the time!!! Especially with my inlaws. And other people- some people just don't get it and could be a little more understanding. But I do know I need to be not so easily ofended. Anyway, it can be so so hard when all those your age, and younger are having babies, like there 3rd. And you want to be with them. I think this is the hardest part. I am semi dreading my upcoming birthday.
    Sorry to have been so negative. But it does feel better getting these feelings out and written down and shared. It makes not as hard knowing your not alone.

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