Even though that time is never glamorous or enjoyable, it felt freeing to know that the emotional crash that has accompanied my period for years wasn't going to come this time, let alone consume me for days at a time. I knew pregnancy wasn't going to happen right now. I know the next step for us in order to help it happen.
Stranger then...that today I'm having a hard (what I call) "baby day." Out of the blue it has hit me again, all those emotions of lonely wanting. It's found me as usual when I least expect it. It's hard to understand why.
Afterall, I have so many good things going on right now.
1. We just had a killer yard sale that left all involved with planning and carrying out satisfied and thankful. Even the Daily Herald showed up to support us! (and took a picture of me and Marv which was perfect because I rolled out of bed just so in order for Utah County to see me in my natural state - awesome. Except it really was, albeit unexpected).
2.We have the first Pound the Pavement for Parenthood 5k this weekend and we're hopeful for a good turnout and we know that it will be a fun day regardless. Please join us, won't you?
I'm surprised at what I'm feeling today. I thought this lonely part was supposed to be over now that we have a plan. As we work toward this new medical (financial) goal, I thought it would only bring confidence. Now I know. I'm sure I was just naive to think I was rid of those feelings. It's only just begun as they say, the feeling of unknown. The build up of hope will be insane with this procedure. I don't want to think about it anymore...
3 more days until the 5k run/walk! Today is the last day to pre-register! I can't believe it's finally here. I couldn't be more anxious, nervous, excited, and relieved. I really hope to see all of you there!
Please come support this cause. It means a lot to me...and to you. You're reading this aren't you?
Jill, I am SO happy to hear that the garage sale went incredibly well. I was praying for you that it would and continue to pray for you for Saturday to go smoothly. I am heartbroken that I can't be there but I will be bringing by some lemon yogurt cake for the bake sale (I think I will bring it by Friday evening? I don't know yet but I will call you ok?) Anyway, just know you are constantly in my prayers and I just love ya.
ReplyDeleteJust checked out your blog from the link on your 5K race site. You are incredibly strong. I went through infertility and treatments for 5 years. Finally adopted our first baby when we had been married 8 years. I now have three beautiful boys. All through adoption. Just started running 4 months ago and wouldn't miss your race for a minute. I live in harvest hills and your story has touched my heart. I will see you there. I hope many people run on your behalf.
ReplyDeleteYou are strong! ;) I'm praying for a good turn out tomorrow! Thanks for your inspiration and courage. It means a lot.
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