Pregnacy is all around me. Really. I believe everyone in my small little part of the world is swollen with child. It's been like this for years now. Trust me.
This is the cycle so far as I know it:
First, every woman I see, talk to, work with, or live by announce to me their joys of expecting. Often it's a secret just for me to know, which I really don't understand. Is that supposed to make me feel so special? Although, I appreciate the gesture.
Second, I watch as they prepare. They get to buy clothes, furniature, and other preparatory cuteness in order to welcome their unborn in the most comfortable way. In other words, they celebrate; usually for 8 months or so. And of course, I get to witness and participate in the showering kind of such celebration.
Third, they complain because it's just oh so hard. They are so uncomfortable and the reality of pregnancy just sucks for them. I'm sure it really is uncomfortable. I get that. I do...but I don't. Is it really so terrible? You are carrying a child to health! Please enjoy that ability. I have vowed to perhaps focus on the health of my child, more than choose a 'get it outta me' attitude.
Fourth, they continue their complaints until the joyous day when a miracle arrives. They forget how uncomfortable it was to have a foot in your ribs or a contraction or two. Rarely are they sorry for previous complaints of said miracle, although, didn't your perfect little one teach you that maybe you should be?
Fifth, after a year or two, they "try" for a couple of months (if) and the cycle starts over again.
This completes the recurring cycle of my emotional life. I'm going to be honest here. (the reason I created this blog) I hate this cycle. I'm so done with it.
I called Dr Heiner today and set up an appointment. He is a specialist of miracles. I get to consult with him about all my woes and problems next month. Hopefully he can help me...before the next cycle begins.
It's truth according to me. Sorry if I offend.
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it truly is an awful cycle. i hope he can help, too. i know how you feel and you're in my prayers.
ReplyDeletelove the post.. i understand a little just from my small experience.. i hope this dr helps!!
ReplyDeletemy heart truly does ache for you, jill. i honestly do adore and cherish the sacred honor of being pregnant because it really is a miracle, but i try even harder to honor that because i know there are so many deserving women who would give anything for that blessing. i appreciate your honesty.
ReplyDeleteJill, I'm with you all the way! Every where I look there are pregnant women. I too am sick of the complaints or the constant talk about "their" pregnancy and the forgetfulness of others around them that don't get to have that experience and don't know if they ever will. Personally, I feel it's insensitive and quite frankly selfish. This 'cycle' is getting tougher every day. I'm so glad to have you in my life to go through this emotional roller-coaster. You truly are my bosom friend, my "Anne with an E".
ReplyDeleteLove you Jill!
Love your honesty here. So sorry for the awful cycle you are in...the awful rollercoaster you are on. Sooooo hard! Know you are loved by many. And I'm praying extra hard that your miracle will happen soon. It's about time to stop this awful cycle you are in. Love you!
ReplyDeleteJill you amaze me I have been reading your blog for an hour now (and actually this is the second time I have read it) and I'm just overwhelmed with many emotions for you. Im so glad that we have gotten in touch again I feel that your a great person to have near. You humble me, I think in life a lot of times we take things for granted. Reading your blog just makes me see things from another point of view and I want to thank you for that. Many of us don't realize what it is like to struggle with pregnancy and many of us do complain, but your right why should we complain? its a huge miracle and we should feel so blessed and lucky. I know god will bless you with this miracle Jill, if anyone deserves it its you. I love ya Jill. Stay strong!
ReplyDeleteHi Jill! I'm new to your blog but oh man, I feel the same way. Our entire ward is on the "2 year program". It's so frustrating to see that these women can PLAN when they'd like to conceive. If it was only that easy. I have 2 stepchildren and their mom has been able to conceive twice since we've been married (2 years) and they ask when we'll have a baby too. It's just hard. No other way to explain it. And if a woman hasn't had a hard time getting pregnant they just don't understand. I'm totally with you with the "just shut up already, you're fertile!" I hope and pray it happens for you! -Brie
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